Different Grief Does Not Mean Different Love

After a miscarriage, women are often expected to grieve openly. The physical experience of pregnancy — hormonal changes, bodily symptoms, medical procedures and recovery — can make the loss feel immediate and embodied.

Many women describe:

• Intense sadness or emptiness
• Feelings of guilt or failure
• Anxiety about future pregnancies
• A longing for acknowledgment of the baby and the loss
• A need to talk repeatedly about what happened

For men, grief can look very different. Some feel enormous sadness but suppress it in order to “stay strong.” Others focus on practical tasks, supporting their partner, returning to work, or problem-solving. Some may struggle to connect with the pregnancy in the same embodied way and only feel the emotional impact later

The Importance of Recognition

One of the most healing things after miscarriage is having the loss recognised.

Not minimised.
Not rushed past.
Not compared.

Simply acknowledged.

Miscarriage is not only the loss of a pregnancy. It can also be the loss of imagined futures, identities, hopes and expectations.

Reaching Men Who Are Struggling in Silence

As a counsellor working with pregnancy loss and reproductive grief, I have become increasingly aware of how often men slip through the cracks after miscarriage. Support is rightly focused on the person who has physically experienced the loss, but many male partners are left carrying grief alone, unsure whether there is space for their pain too.

Reaching men who are struggling often begins with changing the conversation around grief itself. Men do not always express pain through tears or words. Sometimes grief appears as emotional withdrawal, anger, difficulty sleeping, anxiety, numbness, overworking, or feeling disconnected from a partner or future plans.